Where Do I Go From Here?

by Sharon Merhalski

My life seems in a state of ‘limbo.’ Why? Has been a constant question I’ve asked God. How often I find myself reminding the Lord I know His calling on my life but the how? when? where? has left me…I’m like a horse in the starting gate at the Kentucky Derby. The gate has been shut behind me and the gun has not sounded to open the gate in front of me. Like a horse in this situation I am internally hopping, banging against the gate in front and the sides of the gate, kicking the back gate or trying to back through it, snorting and complaining to the jockey…with no answers concerning when I can run the race before me.

I’m feeling so much better physically and I am emotionally miserable. A dear friend of mine is battling cancer for the second time…time is uncertain…today must matter.

I want to write, which I have been doing more of. I know God has given me a message that encompasses all of our Christian lives: He is risen. How? Where? Do I start a blog and hope someone reads it? Do I start a book covering all of my life (wondering if anyone could believe it when read all at once)? Do I just sit quietly and wait? I burn inside to teach. God has given me a voice in response to a vow…a voice no person with a tracheostomy should have…a normal voice. God gives us talents and gifts and expects us to find a place to invest them so they can bring return. I have so often said that a person not using their God-given gifts are miserable and frustrated…..and oh I can personally attest to this fact!

Time is short and I will soon be 61 years old. Do I just sit quietly and shrivel up like a prune?

I believe these feelings have come to the surface and multiplied in intensity because I am at the point in my life where I can do whatever it is that God wants me to do…without Satan constantly using situations and people around me to try to destroy me. It has been a wonderful change…which has caused more unrest as I painfully endure my seeming state of limbo.

Is the gun is about to go off and the gate fly open?

I have opened a blog: oasiswell.wordpress.com

Published in: on February 25, 2009 at 7:55 pm  Leave a Comment  

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