A few people have asked me if my husband has been for counseling to be diagnosed by a professional? No. He has stated several times that he will leave before talking to anyone. And with my whole heart I believe if he did see a counselor he would go into the Asperger pretense mode and not be truthful. But my daddy always taught me “when it acts like a duck and quacks like a duck…it is a duck.” After much research…I am convinced my husband has Asperger’s Syndrome.
As I stated in another post, over many years I grew to believe I was experiencing pre-meditated emotional and verbal abuse. I have gone through the guiltiness phase of believing it was my fault. I grew up with a parent telling me “if you wouldn’t _________ your mother/father wouldn’t abuse you.” So, transferring this lie to my marriage was easy, painful and emotionally damaging.
The guilt phase is over. What phase am I in now? A wrenching tornado phase. What? I don’t even know if I can explain it.
In this over-50 stage of my life I am faced with trying to decide how to cope and be a helpmeet to my husband, set biblical boundaries for the way I am treated, give him his aloneness that Asperger’s demands without feeling rejected and ignored. I understand that this syndrome causes people to live by rigid rules in their thinking that, when changed for any reason, causes great upset to them. However, by nature daily life is full of changes, which causes great turmoil—frustration and, too often, anger for my husband, followed by a time of pouting.
I have recently found a measure of peace in knowing that all of the tidbits he has told me over the last several years concerning how he thinks and feels have an identity…a clinical name of Asperger’s Syndrome. Now, how do I manage life accordingly—cope? That question is a tornadic dilemma spinning in my heart. Do I become an Edith Bunker who somehow managed to live with Archie?
These web links gave me some answers. I am seeking God for His answers.
Families of Adults Affected by Asperger’s Syndrome
Asperger’s Syndrome in Adults