Relationship Quiz: Am I In an Abusive Relationship?

This quiz courtesy of aardvarc.org.

~~~

Instructions:

Enter the number of points next to each question depending on the severity of each item:

Never: 0 points
Rarely: 1 point
Sometimes: 2 points
Frequently: 3 points

__ My partner teases me in a hurtful way in private or in public

__ My partner calls me names such as “stupid” or “b”

__ My partner acts jealous of my friends, family, or co-workers

__ My partner gets angry about clothes I wear or how I style my hair

__ My partner checks up on me by calling, driving by, or getting someone else to

__ My partner insists on knowing who I talk to on the phone

__ My partner blames me for their problems or bad mood

__ My partner gets angry easily, leaving me walking on eggshells

__ My partner throws or destroys things when angry

__ My partner hits walls, drives dangerously or does other things to scare me

__ My partner drinks excessively or uses drugs

__ My partner insists that I drink or use drugs whenever they do

__ My partner accuses me of being interested in someone else

__ My partner reads my mail, goes thru my personal space/items (ie. purse)

__ My partner keeps me from getting a job or finds ways to cause problems at my job

__ My partner keeps money from me, keeps me in debt, or has “money secrets”

__ My partner sold my car, made me give up my license, or won’t repair my car

__ My partner has threatened to hurt me

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my children

__ My partner has actually hurt my children

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my pets

__ My partner has actually hurt my pets

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my friends or family

__ My partner has hurt a friend or family member

__ My partner has threatened to commit suicide if I leave

__ My partner has struck me with hands or feet – slapped, punched, kicked

__ My partner has struck me with an object or threatened me with a weapon

__ My partner has given me visible injuries – bruises, welts, cuts

__ I have had to administer first aid to myself due to injuries from my partner

__ My injuries have been serious enough to seek treatment – doctor, hospital, clinic, paramedic

__ My partner forces me to have sex when I don’t want to

__ My partner forces me to have sex in ways that I don’t want to

__ My partner has been in trouble with the police

__ My partner acts one way in front of others, and another way when we are alone

__ My partner is secretive or lies about past relationships

__ I feel isolated and alone and have no one I can really talk to

__ I have lost friends because of my partner/partner’s actions

__ I no longer see some of my family because of my partner

__ I have thought about calling the police because of an incident of violence

__ I have actually called the police on one or more occasions

__ I am afraid to call the police because of threats from my partner

_____ TOTAL POINTS

——————————————————————————–

0-17: Generally Non-abusive
These are likely to be the sorts of strains that are not unusual in relationships. Do NOT, however, make the mistake of brushing off any incident of violence or threat of violence, no matter how isolated!

18-58: Moderately Abusive
This is a home experiencing some violence at least once in a while. It may be that this is a relationship where violence is just beginning. In a new relationship there is good reason to expect it will eventually escalate into more serious forms and may occur more frequently.

59-95: Seriously Abusive
Scores in this range indicate a seriously abusive relationship that can, under outside pressure, or with the sudden strain of a family emergency, move into the dangerously severe range. Serious injury is quite probable if it has not already occurred. Please consider getting help, even leaving.

96 and up: Dangerously Abusive

If you scored in the top range, you need to consider even more seriously the option of leaving, at least temporarily, while you consider your next move. The violence will not take care of itself or miraculously disappear. Over time the chances are very good that your life and/or the lives of your children will be in danger.

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. i do think i am in some what of an abusive relationship.. me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months and we are engaged. He doesnt like me seeing my friends and gets upset when i hang out with my family cuz he wants me to either be with him or be on the phone with him.. he lives an hour and a half away and bcuz of that it makes it worst cuz he kinda makes me feel like i cant go anywhere or do anything its like i have to be on the phone with him all the time just to make sure im no doing anything i shouldnt be. he texts me constantly and gets mad or upset over no reason and makes it feel like its my fault. he doesnt use drugs or alcohol.. he always has to know where i am at all times if i leave i would have to call him and let him know where i am going and when i am comming back. ive tried to break up with a few times but he threatends to hurt/kill himself and that he cant live without me. he always makes me feel like i am doing something wrong and i just dont know what to do anymore i love him i just dont know how much more i can take. so if some1 could write me back at my email that would be great thankyou..

    • Jessica,

      I’d really recommend that you talk to someone who is a counselor about relationships. This is definitely a bad pattern that will not get better with time. You probably need some good support that can help you talk and walk it out, to sort things out for yourself, and know how best to proceed. You are wise to see the pattern now instead of waiting!

      — Danni

  2. I think someone whos trying to date me is abusive. He talks to his exes like that with me standing there. He kind of scares me but I told him I wouldn’t date him.

    • Be very, very careful. If he will act this way when you’re not even dating, he would be even worse in a real relationship. He may also be able to convince himself you are in a real realationship, though you know you’re not. If at all possible, stay far, far away.

      — Danni


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