Growing Children of God Need to Ask Questions

The older I get the more I realize the importance of our growing-up experience. For example, a child growing up in a dysfunctional home will, in some degree, have issues to overcome later in life. A child who had the experience of negligent home-schooling will, in some degree, have educational issues to contend with or overcome. A child who was raised by the television with little parental training, will have issues with cognitive and coping skills…and potentially a host of other issues.

I’ve counseled people who have grown up in dysfunctional homes for decades…and heard and read about many others. I know the issues and problems I’ve had to overcome, and am still overcoming, because of what I experienced and learned in the dysfunctional home in which I was raised. The questions of “how were they parented?” or “how were their parents parented as children?” often comes into play as a person walks a path of healing…re-learning. As I thought about this yesterday my mind whirled.

At sixty years old my husband and I often find ourselves talking about our Christian upbringing—wealth of Bible and Christian life teaching–from our first pastor after we gave Jesus control of our lives. Yesterday I stopped to consider our looking back at the teaching/training of the pastor who nurtured us when we were infant Christians. I realized the importance and parallels of our physical and spiritual childhood experiences and teachings. We’ve had other good, loving, Bible-teaching and godly-living pastors in our 40 years of Christian living. However, our foundation and belief-system, like that of a small child, was constructed when we were infant and growing children of God.

In the last couple of years God, using His blessed Word/His Balm of Gilead and His Holy Spirit to lead me and guide me into truth, has worked to change some ‘truth’, teaching, I received as an infant Christian. Not ‘connecting the dots’ I’ve often wondered why I have had such a struggle at times to let Biblical truth replace old teaching. It dawned on me yesterday that this is the same struggle people have with replacing teaching/truths they learned in a less-than-nurturing childhood.

Young children do not have the skills to process and discern truth, right from wrong or what is morally acceptable. Children need parenting to show them…teach them. If the parenting is right, moral, nurturing, loving, the experience of growing up is a healthy one. This is equally true for our Christian experience: How we were grown up in the Lord while our diets consisted of milk…when we were too immature to study and digest the meat of the Word of God…determines the health/strength/understanding/power of our Christian lives. Of course, this can be changed with much study, seeking, accepting and assimilating revealed Biblical truth.

I believe the first step in strengthening my Christian life came when I let myself accept the fact that some things/truths I was taught as a young Christian did not line up with the Bible…some ‘truths’ were not even in the Bible. On my path to growing past some old teaching I had to ask the same questions people need to consider when walking paths to spiritual and emotional healing: “how were they (my pastors and spiritual mentors) ‘parented’ in the Lord?” or “how were the people they learned from ‘parented’ as babes in Christ?”

For example yesterday I studied the doctrines and teachings of the church one of our pastors was born into and raised in…and later left. My study helped me to realize where some of the untruths he taught as Bible truth came from…his spiritual childhood training which he never questioned. Our ‘parents’ and ‘grandparents’ can have a huge impact on what we learn, who we are and how we teach others…until we choose to change the wrong beliefs through seeking Bible study. “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” II Timothy 2:15

Change is uncomfortable. Change is good. Knowing the truth sets us free to live victoriously in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Rude Christians

My friend told me this morning that she is trying very hard not to get frustrated with rude Christians. I told her it is impossible not to get frustrated with them…for sometimes we are “them.” However, some days I honestly want to throw up my hands and scream, “Jesus didn’t treat people like that!!!”

I often wonder what has happened to the words “Christian character.” Some days I come home from being in a meeting or situation where there are a lot of non-Christian people and have to ask the Lord why they are too-often nicer to be around than a lot of Christians I know? Can someone tell me when the words polite, kind, encourage, sweet, considerate and compassion were removed from the vocabularies of many Christian people? These words surely have not been removed from the Bible!

Some days it seems like devoted Christian people think that conversation means it’s time to reprove and rebuke…glory to God! Too often I hear Christians say, in various ways, “I just say what I think- and people have to take it for what it is.” The Bible says a fool utters all of his mind and God says the following in Psalms…something I pray often (words in parenthesis from the Strong’s Concordance):

Psalm 64:2 “Hide me from the secret counsel of the wicked (those who harm, show self friendly and hurt, afflict, break in pieces); from the insurrection of the workers of iniquity:
Psalm 64:3 “Who whet (prick, sharp) their tongue like a sword, and bend their bows to shoot their arrows, even bitter (angry, heavy) words:” [Paraphrase: Their words cut like swords, and their cruel remarks sting like sharp arrows. ]

When my children were very young one of the first Bible verses they learned was “Be ye kind one to another.” I think many Christians need to go back to toddler Sunday School and learn this verse again and then apply honey to their speech…for Jesus sake! — Sharon Merhalski

“Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24
“How sweet are thy words unto my taste! yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Psalm 119:103

Sexually Molested… Should I Report It?

Does God Want Me To Report The Crime To The Police?

I do not understand. I cannot comprehend how a child, teen or adult can be molested and get counsel from parents, spouses, and/or pastors NOT to report the CRIME to the police. I can understand why a victim is hesitant to tell–especially when they are a child or teen: It is common for sexual predators to threaten the lives of their victims and/or the lives of the victim’s parents and family. However, I cannot find any Biblical support for not reporting crimes to the proper authorities!

I wish this failure to report abuse only happened once in a ‘blue moon’. I wish I did not have to say it has become common practice.

What does God say about living under the laws of our land? (Word definitions from the Strong’s Concordance in parentheses.)

Romans chapter 13 verse 1.
“Let every soul be subject (obey) unto the higher powers (laws, jurisdiction). For there is no power (authority) but of God: the powers (freedom, magistrate, authority) that be are ordained (assigned, appointed) of God.”

I Peter chapter 2.
13. “Submit yourselves (be obedient) to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king (foundation of power–judge, law of the land), as supreme;
14. Or unto governors (a leader), as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment (vindication, retribution, punishment) of evildoers (criminal–one committing a crime which is the breaking of a law of the land), and for the praise of them that do well.
15. For so is the will (purpose, desire) of God, that with well doing (duty) ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish (ignorant, stupid, morally unbelieving) men:”

Silence puts a sentence of depression on the abuse victim.

Don’t be afraid to tell someone you have been violated. Don’t stuff your emotions for they will one day surface and you will explode or implode if you don’t download. Tamar’s emotions were exceedingly damaged by her brother when he raped her. The Bible says a part of her remained desolate for the rest of her life. Why?

“And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.” II Samuel 13:20

Because her brother Absalom would not let her tell, a part of her remained internally desolate. Tamar listened to her brother, and did not tell her father the King or anyone else. She chose to remain silent…and desolate.

Word definitions from the Strong’s Concordance taught me that Tamar remained desolate which means numb/devastated/lonely/depressed because she chose to remain silent.

Is this true? Yes, I lived with internal desolation for the first 34 years of my life because I didn’t tell anyone my mother had abused me. Every woman I have counseled in the last twenty years that chose to remain silent has experienced that desolation in her life.

The entire article may be read at:
Titus 2 Men and Women Web Magazine

Dance in the Rain

By Sharon Merhalski

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

When I read this quote this morning I couldn’t help but to think of Gene Kelly in the old movie Singing in the Rain. I ‘saw’ in my mind the scene where he danced with great joy, by himself, in a downpour of rain. I don’t remember why he was happy but he didn’t wait under an awning for the rain to stop. He didn’t care about getting soaking wet or looking really peculiar…he just danced for joy!

How many times have I literally stood still by my kitchen door–or in a store–waiting for the rain to get less intense so I can get to my car without getting wet? And figuratively how many times have I stood still at my heart’s door waiting for the storm in my personal life to pass before I stepped out, wet with tears, to let my spirit dance, praise my God, smile, encourage others…fulfill my place of service? Truly, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

What does God say about this matter? (I’m going to leave this in Bible-study form…just as I wrote it in my journal.)

Psalm 30:5 “….in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

I have the promise…promise of God that my weeping will end. I am told “in his favour is life:” and I know to be in God’s favor I must walk in obedience, abiding in Christ. My joy is found in my abiding in Christ—trusting Him and believing His Word. So, in effect, I choose when to dance; praise, thank, glorify the Lord: I choose when to dance by choosing to do right, think right, be right with God in the midst of every storm of life. God will, when I have set my heart and relationship right with Him, do the turning of my sadness into joy so that I can praise Him,

“Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.” Psalm 30:11-12

Psalm 149:3 “Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.”

“Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.” Psalm 150:4

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

Are we dancing in the rain of our lives? Remember, we can only see a rainbow through the rain…and the rainbow will always come.

Illness and Abuse: My Doctors Said…

By Sharon Merhalski

I am a survivor of childhood abuse: every kind of abuse from my mother (22% of pedophiles are women) and sexual abuse from my brother. As an abused child I experienced a childhood of illnesses. I now understand illness is an expected scenario given the constant internal and external stress an abused child (and children raised in domestic violence) carries. And I now understand until abuse issues are dealt with and healed, that internal stress cannot be alleviated, resulting in continued illness in the adult years.

I believe the Bible gives plain affirmation on this subject (words inside parenthesis are definitions for the previous word from the Strong’s Concordance).

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire (longing) cometh, it is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

A victim living in an abusive situation constantly hopes the abuse will end. When they are separated from the abuse by age or living situation there is usually an internal longing (especially with child abuse)–hope for a healthy relationship with the abusive parent. When hope longed for doesn’t happen the Bible says it makes their heart (feelings, the will and even the intellect) sick (be weak, sick, afflicted, cause to grieve, diseased, put in pain, be wounded) If our feelings, will and intellect are sick we are under extreme stress and on our way to physical illness.

In spring of 1984 I was 35 years old. I had severe allergies requiring weekly allergy injections and a lot of allergy medication. I was always fatigued, in bed a lot of the time, fought sinus and bronchial infections and yeast infections constantly and was an overall miserable mess.

In September of 1984 I came to a crossroad in my spiritual and emotional life that ended in my allowing God to take my very damaged heart and emotions and heal them with His Word. About six months into this lengthy process my allergies were so minimal that I no longer required allergy shots and I seldom took allergy medications. By mid-1985 the sinus infections and yeast infections were few and far between. The bronchial infections maybe happened once a year.

At this time I began to see a licensed physician who is a dear Christian man. He was the first doctor I asked about the ‘coincidence’ of my emotional healing and healing from allergies and infections. I remember clearly his saying to me it was no ‘coincidence’ and then teaching me about inner stress. He assured me what I experienced was a normal reaction to my internal healing. Since then I have asked two other physicians the same question and received the same answers.

In the last twenty-plus years I have been entrusted by God to both counsel and work with many women who are survivors of abuse…child abuse and/or domestic violence. The pattern I have observed is almost all of the women with unresolved/unhealed issues have been physically ill in some way…from allergies to cancer. And, those women whom I have observed through their personal spiritual and emotional healing process have experienced a lessening, if not total healing of their physical illnesses, i.e. arthritis, allergies, repeated infections, stomach and/or bowel problems, Candida/yeast infections, etc. I have always been very thankful I can share with each woman why their health was improving…using the words of my physicians—my Heavenly physician/Jehovah-Rapha and my earthly physicans–spoken to me. (The Bible has much to say on this subject.)

A few years ago I began to find research on this perceived ‘phenomenon’ of relieved stress and healing. Recently there has been much research done on this subject. I now understand fully the reasons for an increase in health when there is a decrease in stress…internal stress and external stress.

If you are a survivor or victim of abuse, or know a survivor or victim of abuse, I hope you will assimilate this information for yourself and/or pass it along to others.

Links to articles:

Physical Abuse Raises Women’s Health Costs Over 40 Percent The implication of this is that there are all these women suffering long-term health problems as a result of abuse.

possible link between sex abuse and Interstitial Cystitis

Child abuse ‘impacts stress gene’

Facial Fractures Speak Volumes

Childhood Abuse Raises Psychosis Risk in Women

Teenage Stress Has Implications on Adult Health

In this search page there are a couple posts about studies on domestic violence and ill health.