Illness and Abuse: My Doctors Said…

By Sharon Merhalski

I am a survivor of childhood abuse: every kind of abuse from my mother (22% of pedophiles are women) and sexual abuse from my brother. As an abused child I experienced a childhood of illnesses. I now understand illness is an expected scenario given the constant internal and external stress an abused child (and children raised in domestic violence) carries. And I now understand until abuse issues are dealt with and healed, that internal stress cannot be alleviated, resulting in continued illness in the adult years.

I believe the Bible gives plain affirmation on this subject (words inside parenthesis are definitions for the previous word from the Strong’s Concordance).

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire (longing) cometh, it is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

A victim living in an abusive situation constantly hopes the abuse will end. When they are separated from the abuse by age or living situation there is usually an internal longing (especially with child abuse)–hope for a healthy relationship with the abusive parent. When hope longed for doesn’t happen the Bible says it makes their heart (feelings, the will and even the intellect) sick (be weak, sick, afflicted, cause to grieve, diseased, put in pain, be wounded) If our feelings, will and intellect are sick we are under extreme stress and on our way to physical illness.

In spring of 1984 I was 35 years old. I had severe allergies requiring weekly allergy injections and a lot of allergy medication. I was always fatigued, in bed a lot of the time, fought sinus and bronchial infections and yeast infections constantly and was an overall miserable mess.

In September of 1984 I came to a crossroad in my spiritual and emotional life that ended in my allowing God to take my very damaged heart and emotions and heal them with His Word. About six months into this lengthy process my allergies were so minimal that I no longer required allergy shots and I seldom took allergy medications. By mid-1985 the sinus infections and yeast infections were few and far between. The bronchial infections maybe happened once a year.

At this time I began to see a licensed physician who is a dear Christian man. He was the first doctor I asked about the ‘coincidence’ of my emotional healing and healing from allergies and infections. I remember clearly his saying to me it was no ‘coincidence’ and then teaching me about inner stress. He assured me what I experienced was a normal reaction to my internal healing. Since then I have asked two other physicians the same question and received the same answers.

In the last twenty-plus years I have been entrusted by God to both counsel and work with many women who are survivors of abuse…child abuse and/or domestic violence. The pattern I have observed is almost all of the women with unresolved/unhealed issues have been physically ill in some way…from allergies to cancer. And, those women whom I have observed through their personal spiritual and emotional healing process have experienced a lessening, if not total healing of their physical illnesses, i.e. arthritis, allergies, repeated infections, stomach and/or bowel problems, Candida/yeast infections, etc. I have always been very thankful I can share with each woman why their health was improving…using the words of my physicians—my Heavenly physician/Jehovah-Rapha and my earthly physicans–spoken to me. (The Bible has much to say on this subject.)

A few years ago I began to find research on this perceived ‘phenomenon’ of relieved stress and healing. Recently there has been much research done on this subject. I now understand fully the reasons for an increase in health when there is a decrease in stress…internal stress and external stress.

If you are a survivor or victim of abuse, or know a survivor or victim of abuse, I hope you will assimilate this information for yourself and/or pass it along to others.

Links to articles:

Physical Abuse Raises Women’s Health Costs Over 40 Percent The implication of this is that there are all these women suffering long-term health problems as a result of abuse.

possible link between sex abuse and Interstitial Cystitis

Child abuse ‘impacts stress gene’

Facial Fractures Speak Volumes

Childhood Abuse Raises Psychosis Risk in Women

Teenage Stress Has Implications on Adult Health

In this search page there are a couple posts about studies on domestic violence and ill health.

Procrustes…One Size Fits All

–by Sharon Merhalski

I open this devotion with a question: How big is God?

In Greek mythology there was a man named Procrustes (proh-KRUS-teez). He kept a house by the side of the road where he offered hospitality to passing strangers, who were invited in for a pleasant meal and a night’s rest in his very special bed. Procrustes described the bed as having the unique property that its length exactly matched who would lay down on it. What Procrustes didn’t say was the method by which this “one-size-fits-all” was achieved. As soon as the guest lay down Procrustes went to work upon him, stretching him on the rack if he was too short for the bed and chopping off his legs if he was too long. Theseus turned the tables on Procrustes, fatally adjusting him to fit his own bed by cutting off his head and his feet.

This information on Procrustes was sent to me by a friend who asked me to think about this word picture in relationship to raising children, concerning marriage…and especially a church organization. I sensed God wanted me to do as my friend had asked and I have spent a little more than a week considering the concept of “one size fits all”…and the reaction of many when someone doesn’t ‘fit’.

During this time of musing I first remembered many Christian teen-agers who flew the coop when they turned eighteen. Some left home steeped in sin but some left home because they needed to bust out of the very little ‘bed’ that chopped off their ability to exercise God-given gifts or any individuality in actions or thinking. I’m not talking about sinful things or ungodly standards. Rather, I’m talking about individuality and exercising how God uniquely created them. A young man comes to mind right now who loved baseball and his dad would never even take him to a baseball game because there was sinful influence there. (To that dad I say then don’t go to the grocery store either.) I’ve also considered those children who were stretched to fit the ‘bed’ mom and dad made for them, i.e. the untalented child made to play an instrument because the church orchestra needed it, the clumsy child made to play sports or the shy or tone deaf child made to take singing lessons so they could serve God mom and dad’s way. I could to on and on.

I have also taken time to consider marriage and I think I could write a book on this topic. I have thought about domineering control, anger or rage… sometimes escalating to physical abuse because one spouse doesn’t think like, act like or talk like the other spouse. The result: The offending spouse is kept on the Proscrustean bed where they are, at the least uncomfortable, and too often miserable in deep pain emotionally, spiritually and all-too-often physically.

My main focus in considering this story from mythology has been on the local church and what far too many of them have become. The person who sent me the story of the Procrustean bed asked, “Isn’t the modern church a Procrustean bed? How often do churches chop off/dismiss portions of the Word of God because they do not fit the ‘shape’ of the church? And how often is Scripture stretched to fit the mold of the ‘organization’?

My pervasive thought: This also speaks to a church organization stretching someone beyond their gifts, time, health and talents to make them fit a place of service/ministry until they burn out or leave the church. And the other side of the picture…cutting off their gifts and talents because they do not fit the church structure. I have both seen it in others and personally experienced the frustration and discouragement because God-given talents and gifts would not be used. Why? Because the ‘bed’ the church built for the members—or prospective members–was never adjustable to fit all of God’s children.

There is a very popular nationally known pastor who wrote a book, a manual of sorts, for churches to use to experience great growth and influence. In that book he promotes the idea that churches should make sure people are a “good fit” before they are accepted into the membership. Good fit? Were those saved on the day of Pentecost questioned concerning being a ‘good fit’ for the church before they were added to the church? My Bible doesn’t say that. In over 39 years in solid Baptist Churches I have never before heard such cookie cutter garbage thinking.

I will leave you with this story of Procrustes and the following Scriptures and invite you to contact me with your thoughts.

Act 10:34 “Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons:”
[Strong’s Concordance—respecter: one exhibiting partiality.]

1Timothy 4:14 “Neglect not the gift that is in thee…”
[Strong’s Concordance—1) neglect: ; to be careless of: - make light of, neglect, be negligent, not regard. 2) gift: a (divine) gratuity, that is, deliverance (from danger or passion); (specifically) a (spiritual) endowment, that is, (subjectively) religious qualification, or (objectively) miraculous faculty: - (free) gift.]

It is a kingly act to assist the fallen.

Mother Teresa

How God Restored a Wounded Heart

This article is from Because It Matters.

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By Danni Moss

Have you ever found your stomach in a knot because people close to you have judged you? Have you been in devastating circumstances, only to find friends and family and church piling judgment and condemnation onto your pain?

Job was in that place. Satan devastated Job’s circumstances and he lost everything except his wife. As he sat on an ash heap in misery and pain, his closest friends joined him to “support” him. However, their support was to tell him he must have done something wrong for all these things to happen to him. If only he will repent, God will surely restore him. Have you ever been there?

At the end of the book of Job there is an interesting passage. Job finally tells God he “gets” it. Job realizes that God has used his circumstances to show him Who God really is and transform his interaction with God from one of dutiful religious knowledge to a intimate personal relationship (Job. 42:4-6).

After Job reaches this realization God turns His attention to Job’s friends. God was angry with Job’s friends because they did not speak the truth about God to Job. God told Job’s friends to go to Job and offer a burnt offering for themselves and that Job would pray for them. In fact, God clearly said the Job’s prayers were all that stood between them and God’s judgment (Job 42:8). Job’s friends obeyed.

Then there is a very interesting little statement in Job 42:10 –

The Lord restored the fortunes of Job when he prayed for his friends…

Job’s relationship with God was already restored. But God asked Job to do something more. He asked that Job pray for his friends – specifically that God would forgive them and restore them. God answered Job’s prayer, but He did more than that.

Because Job prayed for his friends God blessed Job. And this blessing wasn’t just material. Read Job 42:10-17.

• All Job’s friends affirmed him and gave him financial and material gifts
• God gave Job double the wealth he had before Satan destroyed it
• God gave him another 10 children, who were blessed with physical beauty and favor
• God gave Job a long and prosperous life, another 140 years of blessing and family

How much would we like to be blessed by God, especially after our world is shaken by devastating circumstances? Are we willing to pray diligently and persistently for those who have hurt us? Not just to pray that they will realize they’ve hurt us and get right with God, but that God will restore and bless them! How much do we really want God’s blessing?

What Is Hope?

Hope has been defined as:

Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Hope implies a certain amount of despair, wanting, wishing, suffering or perseverance — i.e., believing that a better or positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary.

Beyond the basic definition, usage of the term hope follows some basic patterns which distinguish its usage from related terms:

* To wish for something with the expectation of the wish being fulfilled.
* Hopefulness is somewhat different from optimism in that hope is an emotional state, whereas optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern that leads to a positive attitude. But hope and optimism both can be based in unrealistic belief or fantasy.
* When used in a religious context, hope carries a connotation of being aware of spiritual truth…

(From Wikipedia)

An interesting point to note here is that hope has no context without “…a certain amount of despair, wanting, wishing, suffering or perseverance…”

Those things – despair, wanting, wishing, suffering, perseverance – are the circumstances that make us reach out for hope.

Hope for those circumstances is what we want to help provide.

This site is a growing expression of several years of on-going work by New Hope Outreach. We are adding informative articles constantly, so check back frequently.

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